"I always knew it would be like this."

Oh Jesus Christ...

2006-12-07T03:39:39Z

I am FREAKING out about this whole college process thing right now. Like, seriously!

For some reason, the terror just set in.

I'm applying to 6 universities in LONDON. Fucking LONDON. No backup plan, NOTHING. There's always that chance that I won't get accepted, but realistically I'll get in somewhere. My application should be in, in the next COUPLE OF WEEKS. Then, I'll have to start the immigration process. Immigration process? I'm leaving. For another country. Probably for 4 years. Not to mention the whole money aspect of things...Also, I think the whole turning 18 in less than two weeks thing is freaking me out too.

This is real. This is happening.

Let the panic attack commence.

bronzer7 @ 2006-11-30T02:53:00

2006-11-30T01:53:19Z

My horoscope for the day (even though i'm not a big believer in horoscopes) -

Sagittarius
November 22 - December 20
Someone whom you've been wanting to hear from for a long time, dear Sagittarius, perhaps an old friend who lives far away, could ring you up today - when you're out. You'll be glad to get the message, but it could result in a frustrating game of phone tag throughout the day. Don't get so irritated you throw up your hands and give up. Keep trying; you'll eventually touch base, and you'll be glad you did!

And it just so happens that my friend living in Switzerland (whom I haven't heard from in months) emailed me today.

Things like this just put a smile on my face, even when i'm not doing so well.

"Nothing else will do, I've gotta have you..."

2006-11-20T04:11:21Z

Le sigh...

I need to quit liking people that i'm close to, who will never be able to reciprocate my feelings.
It's...emotionally draining.
I don't know what to do about it though.

London Pictures.....

2006-11-05T20:08:37Z

For those of you who haven't been forced to look at all of my pictures yet, i'm posting a few of them for everyone to see....

(The caption for the picture is below said picture)

This is pretty much what a typical day in London looks like (only usually with about 75 more people on the street). It was taken in Picadilly Circus (which is where those big electronic looking Sanyo, Tdk and Coke signs are.

This is Lecister Square. Around the entire thing there are about four or five 10plex movie theaters. This is where all the big London movie premiers are held. Also, they charge an arm and a leg for a ticket (a little over $20 american dollars for a standard ticket).

This is Westminster Abbey (obviously). Yep. Basically just your standard postcard shot. Only not as nice looking.

This is a shot from inside the Abbey.

This is a full on (well, as full on as you can get that close) shot of some church that is on the Westminster grounds. I can't for the life of me remember what it's called, but it's named after someone dead, I assure you that.

This is Westminster again (can you tell I like the place?), but it's from the other side so you can see the London Eye in the background (the little ferris wheel in the background). In reality the London Eye is the largest wheel in the world. It's absolutley MASSIVE.

This is the London Bridge (or whatever they're calling it now) from the enterance area of the Tower of London.

This is pretty much what the Tower of London looks like. A big open courtyard area with a bunch of buildings that don't really resemble towers.

The London Bridge from inside the Tower of London. I thought it looked nice.

Buckingham Palace. Yep. Pretty cool. Also, really really large. And busy. Apparently there used to be a hotel where that statue thing is now, but they thought it was too close to the palace (ya think?) so they knocked it over and built that instead.

Look, it's the Changing of the Guards. It actually wasn't very exciting. But it's always fun to watch people in funny hats play musical instruments, ride horses and walk funny.

And a final shot of Westminster and the London Eye. Plus, i'm just really fond of how this turned out and I wanna show it off.

Greetings from jolly ol' England....

2006-10-20T12:14:37Z

So, here I am, in London. It's currently about 12:40 in the afternoon, meaning that it's about 6:40 am there, so none of you will even read this until later in the evening (probably, although some of you have found ways against the myspace block at school). Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that i'm here, and i'm doing well. Unfortunately i've been sick the entire time, which has made everything a bit difficult. Well, i'll give you a recap of the events and you figure out if any of this sounds fun while sick -

Day of flight, got up at 8ish with four hours of sleep. Find out four hours before flight from duluth that flight was cancelled. Ok, great. So, I had to drive down to the cities with my gma to catch the flight from there. Next, 8+ hours in economy class seating with a head cold unable to sleep. Worst of all, the inflight movie was "Just my luck" starring lindsey lohan. During landing my ears plugged up, but due to the head cold, they didn't unplug. For the rest of the day I felt like i was wearing ear muffs.

Next came the most terrifying moment in my life - taking a taxi from the station to the hotel. Oh. My. God. I was praying for my life and closing my eyes. NEVER will I drive there. The traffic goes abour 40-60 mph on little streets that are only a block long. And pedestrians? They don't really care how close they come to hitting them. Dear god in heaven I was sure I was going to die. I'm really really fearing the drive back to the station.

So, that day's adventure was still not finished, as it turns out. We tried taking the tube to UEL, only to find out there were problems with the serivce half way through. They stopped running the tube at that point. So, there we are, foreign city, no clue where we are, and no tube service. We followed a rumor that the buses were going to take us to the tube stops instead. We got on the bus. As it turns out, the bus did not exactly take the tube stop route (though it was stopping at SOME of them), but instead took a route that twisted and turned around to the point that we had no idea where we were. We got there fine in the end, as the bus route stopped right in front of the school, but nothing like an hour long bus ride when you have no clue where you are. (I'm happy to say that the tube was up and running on the way back)

Anyway, aside from the first day, nothing terribly exciting has gone on. Being here is odd though. It's something of an alternate universe. Things are the same, but they're sorta backwards. The first time you step off that curb and look left, only to almost get hit from your right, is an odd feeling. The products are the same, but labeled different (they don't have lay's, they have "crispers" or something like that written on the lay's logo). Coke bottles are oddly shaped, orange juice is slightly different tasting, and there are advertisments everywhere for products i've never heard of (but the products are similar to those that we have in the states). Even this keyboard is different from the ones we have back home.

To be quite honest, it's rather difficult to be here with my grandmother. I love her, but...i don't know. Everything here is so fast paced, and she really can't walk all that far or do all that much. I would love to just walk around different parts of the city all day long, but we're confined to THE most stereotypical tourist spots. Thank god for the fact that i'm looking at school that are not within a block of Westminster Abbey or Picadillly Circus, or else i'd never see anything different. All it seems she wants to do is find the knockoff markets. I mean, we're in "china town" right now so she can find fake designer items. Talk about a difference in personality. Can you ever imagine me planning my whole trip around finding cheap knock off stores? I'd much rather spend my day at the Tate Modern or Sattachi (sp?) gallery (which she thinks is crazy). I don't know. I like the city so far, but i've been unable to experience it in the non-tourist way. Oh well. When I get done here i'll go to London Met, then back on the tube to the Boots in the Euston station so my grandmother can find bunyon pads and then proceed to go to an american style restaurant or another flea market type of place (Portabello probably). Guess what we're doing ALL DAY saturday? Yep... : ( Oh well. Grin and bear it. Maybe I can convince her to go by herself to the market and let me go to some galleries and walk around. Probably not, but what are you going to do?

Well, that's enough complaining for the time being. I'll try to update once more, but if I can't, I'll see you all tuesday/wednesday-ish. Bye for now,

Karisa

London, Shel, Guy....

2006-10-16T00:19:39Z

I'm off to London on Tuesday for a while to look at colleges. I'll have pictures and stories when I get back i'm sure. I hope to update this once while there, but I don't know that i'll have computer access.

(Also, as a side note, a met a guy. But that's all the info you get for now.)

P.S. You all should go see Shel Silverstein's Adult Stories at the Tech Village on 19th, 20th, 21st, 26th, 27th, or 28th. It's $15, but the 19th is pay what you can night. Please go see it. It's funny.

"I won't let anything come between this lavish place i've found."

2006-09-17T07:41:12Z

So, i'm rather restless tonight.

I'm just...I just need to go do something or talk to someone or...I don't even know. I've been thinking. No, scratch that, I haven't really been thinking, for once. I've been deciding things, making up my mind about how I feel about a million different things. It's like i've had all this fog in my head that hasn't allowed me to think clearly or make any decisions. And, for some reason, the fog has lifted, the pieces have clicked, and i'm feeling like I just need to go and do things now, and stop thinking about everything. I don't even know if i'm explaining this correctly (aparently i'm not thinking clearly in that respect), but it's the best I can do (plus, the fact that it's almost three am probably isn't helping things). I'm letting all this stuff cause problems and clog up things, when, I don't have to let them.

Ok, so I will probably go back to being brood-y after a few days, but until then, this feels damn good and i'm determined to hold on to it. Fuck it. So what if things have blown majorly as of late? I'm moving on and choosing to decide how I feel about everything, or letting myself know that it's ok that I don't know and not to stress about it.

So, here's to making decisions, not over analyzing things too much, moving on and turning over new leaves in life. I just hope this feeling lasts forever.

"Your lack of interest, mixed with those chemicals shatters the hopes the devil had built." - Park, Hide and Seek

So...

2006-09-13T21:15:41Z

It's really gorgeous out right now. It's day's like this that are going to make me really miss Duluth.

"Just move on..."

2006-09-13T02:42:41Z

Days left until I move - 10

is it september yet? ( because "time is flesh!")

2006-08-19T05:12:09Z

I am just completely exhausted, mentally and physically.

This entire summer has been a test of my limits. I'm so tired of all of this shit happening right now, and i am SO tired of worrying or even thinking about all of it. I've had two major hits this summer, and lots of little things inbetween that have just beaten me down.

Today I awoke to find my mother in a near break down because her fiance/boyfriend has not been doing well these past few days and we think it's pretty bad. She pretty much just cried in front of me and wouldn't tell me what was going on, but just told me to call into my new job and take the day off. He went to the hospital but, being the idiots that they are, said that there was nothing wrong with him (the guy has the highest pain tolerance known to mankind and he's in so much pain he can barely even stand) and let him go. So, here I am freaking out about this, kind of wondering why we aren't at his place or the hospital (when he was there) and as it turns out, I think my mother just wanted me home all day to help prepare for the open house on sunday, since we never went to see him. Can you believe that? People sometimes....

On the open house note...the open house is on sunday. Color me excited. Except not, since this is the house i grew up in and if the house does sell, there's the nifty little fact that we'll be moving into a small apartment. I think i've been sabatoging things for a while now. I've been slow to purge my room, and I pretty much refuse to help with anything else. But, i'm pissed. My mother is using me as the excuse for the move, since I apparently never do anything around the house (excuse me if i not only work more than you during the summer, but if i go to high school during the school year and have extra curriculars and a part time job). She's likes to frequently remind me that i'm the cause of this and has her boyfriend/fiance doing the same. I think it's all pretty uncalled for and rather unfair.

Still not talking to said friend that I had a fight with. To be honest, I don't know when i'll be ready to talk to her again. I'm just so angry about so much, and every time I think i'm feeling better about things, something happens or I think about everything and suddenly the thought of talking to her is the last thing on my mind. I just feel as though talking to her about things won't solve a single thing since she doesn't actually like talk through things. If she wanted to talk to me, I mean ACTUALLY talk, I would be willing to, but I just don't ever see that happening. I guess I just don't know what to do that will make me feel better and get over all this shit, because I am so sick of feeling like this.

And, to end the night, I saw Snakes on a Plane. Yes, I went there. I can't decide if it was a good bad movie or just overall really bad. If nothing else, I know this - it was gory, fun, funny, terrible, and scary. I just don't know what that means. Go check it out and remember this - "Time is flesh!" and "I want these motherfuckin' snakes off this motherfuckin' plane!"

"But your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by."
"I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real."
- 'Clark Gable', The Postal Service

bronzer7 @ 2006-07-29T20:51:00

2006-07-30T02:22:04Z

Today has kind of been a shit day. Had another migraine (I think that's five days in a row now). I skipped work because of the migraine,(what are they going to do, fire me?) even though I shouldn't have. Then, I got into a fight with one of my best friends, who I thought I kind of had a thing with recently, about the us thing,(or lack thereof) and now everything is just bad.

Although, the highlight of the day is that I got an interview at Pier 1 next week, and with all luck it'll be my new source of employment soon.

But, yea, I just sort of needed to vent a wee bit. Anyway, i'm off. Going to my dad's tomorrow, I think. Hope to upload some Seattle pics soon.

Later

bronzer7 @ 2006-07-28T15:41:00

2006-07-28T21:17:16Z

Life just sucks right now.

The biggest thing happening is that we're moving this fall or, with any luck, this spring. Because of this my ex-stepfather is at out house quite often fixing things up. Now, if you know me, you'll know that this pisses me off more than anything else in the world, except for when my mother doesn't understand why i'd be so pissed. After all these years she still doesn't get it.

I quit my job, finally. My last day is Tuesday, thank god. 8 or so months in that hell hole is enough for me, thank you very much. But, I can't find a new job to save my life, so i'm kind of freaking out.

I'm going to my dad's next week for the rest of the summer, I think. I don't know that I should though, since I know i'm only going to avoid someone, and as a result i'll be cut off from people I actually want to be around. But, it's slowly killing me being around this person, and I know I should stay away for a while, and this is the most effective way.

Well, no need to ramble on about more of my problems.

"The man who said "I'd rather be lucky than good" saw deeply into life. People are often afraid to realize how much of an impact luck plays. There are moments in a tennis match where the ball hits the top of the net, and for a split second, remains in mid-air. With a little luck, the ball goes over, and you win. Or maybe it doesn't, and you lose." - Chris, Match Point

bronzer7 @ 2006-07-07T03:37:00

2006-07-07T08:38:16Z

I was dumb.

And now it feels like there's no air left in the room.

bronzer7 @ 2006-07-03T22:24:00

2006-07-04T03:34:07Z

So, I got a $31 parking ticket while at Park Point last night.

It gave me a chance to think about things though.

(P.S. Everyone should walk along the beach at midnight on a clear night at least once. It's gorgeous.)

It's true, I love Lloyd Dobler.

2006-07-01T04:43:10Z

So, I finally got the internet back so I can update this thing.

Well, to pick up where I last left off, no, my father never found out about my tongue ring (to my knowledge anyway), and the concert was pretty damn cool. Freakin front row center! Plus, we got to meet her (she's pretty tiny and you could tell that the cancer hit her pretty hard). Later, I got a guitar pick that she threw to me and a drumstick that almost hit my father. Oh, and I won a signed copy of her new cd at the preparty. So, yea, that was pretty awesome. And here's a shiny pic to prove the experience -

Anyway, since school's been out my life has pretty much been pathetic. Actually, scratch that. Since graduation my life has been pathetic (I haven't been in school for ages on account of the Seattle trip). I've been working, and that's about it. Slade's at her dad's all summer, Courtney and I are just sort of starting to talk again and miss dargan (yes, you) has been WORKING non-stop the past two weeks to the point where i've only seen her once (the time when you were driving past trin's didn't count). So, my life has been pretty nonexistent. Although, I did go to Superman Returns on tuesday night with a group of people, which was fun. I get to go to the midnight showing of POTC 2 on thursday though, and then in about a week and a half I get to see 30 Seconds to Mars again, which should be cool (as long as I avoid the mosh pits). So I guess i've got some things going on.

I think i'm just one of those people who always needs to be busy and have things constantly going on. It drives me crazy when i'm not constantly busy and I don't understand other people who don't have the same sort of stamina that I do when it comes to that sort of thing. Yes, I understand you (fill in blank) today, I worked all day too, but that doesn't mean you still can't do something later on. I don't know. Whatever. That's my own person thing (although I really do admire Meg for doing as much as she does when it comes to going to the theater with such a terrible schedule at the bakery).

I'm probably just being too hard on people on account of how crappy i've been feeling lately. I was on cloud nine for a few weeks, and now, whatever it was that I had going with someone doesn't really seem to be working out so well, and i'm just all grrr on account of it. This is why you never get involved with someone who's a friend, because as much good as there is, there's twice the angst of a normal relationship if things aren't working out so well. So just remember that (my words of wisdom for the day). Oh, well, maybe this is just my skewed perception of what's happening at the moment, who am I to say.

We'll i'm gonna go now since it's, like 11:30 and all. Hopefully i'll update soon, but who knows with me. Anyway, I just saw Say Anything for the first time tonight and I love it, so I leave you with this (though, in retrospect, probably not the best movie to watch given how I feel about my current situation) -

"She's gone. She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen"
- Lloyd Dobler, "Say Anything"

Is it really that difficult to get high speed internet!?

2006-06-16T17:24:36Z

So, I got back from Seattle(which was a blast by the way) to find out that we no longer have clearwire internet. Why? Because apparently our trees grew leaves and blocked the wireless signal. Grrr. Then, my mother calls me from out of town to say that we're getting qwest broadband and to expect the wireless router to come in the mail the next couple of days. We never got it, what we did get however, was a call from qwest saying that we have something on our phoneline that prohibits us from getting the broadband service. Ugh. Back to dialup. AOL probably, which kind of makes me want to slit my wrists. So, long story short, i'm without internet and it's proving to be problematic to get it back. *le sigh*

I'm in the cities right now though, since i'm going to the Sheryl Crow concert in a few hours (the one with the backstage deal-y). We'll see how it goes, but it should be fun. I'm just a little worried about the dynamics with my father and how interesting things could get tonight (we never quite recovered from the whole doublewhammy of matt/revealing my sexuality thing, plus he doesn't know that I got my tongue pierced). Oh well. Only time will tell. Anyway, i'm off for now (I have to go get ready for the concert). I'll check in again before the weekend is up, because I can (oh Internet, how I love thee).

- Toodles

bronzer7 @ 2006-05-29T12:01:00

2006-05-29T17:52:42Z

So, I realize that I haven't been updating for a while, but whatever, i've just gotten my life back, bear with me. Things have been good lately, my life isn't as hectic and I actually get to go home afterschool sometimes (crazy, I know). Unfortunately, i'm leaving for Seattle on Wednesday and won't be back for over a week (the day before graduation). This year has gone by so fast it's crazy. So much has happened and so much has changed and now it's ending. A lot of people that i've become close to or just causual friends with this past year are leaving and I don't know if i'll ever see them again. Maybe this is just preparing me for next year, i'm not sure, but regardless it sucks.

Anyway, I think I need to go and make myself some breakfast-y type food.

Ta

So....

2006-05-26T03:02:02Z

So, I got my tongue pierced on Saturday.

Yep.

Blah, blah, fucking blah....

2006-05-09T16:14:35Z

People are just pissing me off today, y'know? I started the day off in a good mood, and i'm still in a good mood I guess. But with my mother taking her bad mood out on me this morning over the phone when I was just doing what she asked and f*%#!ng eric whats his name sprinting out of class so he could take the computer at my desk it's started to release the inner bitch in me. God, I even said something to him today, which Megan and I have been working up the courage to do all year (I think we're both just so apalled and amazed at his lack of common courtsey or sense), which he didn't even respond to, of course. (I just don't understand why he can't use one of the other available computers. Every day he just huddles up in my corner, turns the screen towards the wall while I pointedly walk back and forth 8000 fucking times to grab something off my desk or to put something back.)

Le sigh. Oh well. Smiles away. Must not let it bother me.

Last night was good I guess. I got home way before 8:30, which is always nice (rehearsal got done at 6). Didn't get a whole lot of homework done though, a little bit of french at most. But, I had a pretty good talk that needed to be had with someone last night, I guess, (Conclusion? Confusion).

Anyway, I must be off. Class beckons (crazy, I know, right?)

Ta -

"Drink up baby down, mmm are you in or are you out.Leave your things behind cause it¹s all going off without you. Excuse me too busy writing your tragedy, these mess-ups you bubble wrap when you've no idea what you're like. So let go, so let go, and jump in. Oh well whatcha waiting for, it's alright 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown. So let go, let go and just get in, oh it's so amazing here, it's alright 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown. It gains the more it gives and it rises with the fall - So hand me that remote, can¹t you see that all that stuff¹s a sideshow. Such boundless pleasure, we¹ve no time for later now, you can¹t await your own arrival you¹ve 20 seconds to comply. So let go, and jump in. Oh, well whatcha waiting for, it's alright 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown."

So....

2006-05-08T19:05:40Z

So, about this weekend....

Yep. :)

wejifjifrjifjofes.....whatever happens i'm going to get my shit done with and taken care of

2006-05-01T01:38:19Z

So, I had the mother of all migraines last night. I was wishing I would pass out from the pain, but unfortunately I was not provided that luxury. Hmmph. I hate the fact that I get migraines because of extreme stress. It's very inconvient. The migraine prevents me from getting things done that i'm stressing about. It's a very vicious cycle. I'm not too fond of it myself.

I found out a few days ago that I have to start to scholarship application process eighteen months before my projected start of term. Eighteen months! That's right about now! Frikin' A! What if I didn't find this when I did? It was just something I stumbled upon too! God, I wish there was a diy handbook for my situation.

Anyway, I must be off. Break's over (i'm studying for the math portion of my SAT's).

I leave you to ponder this, as it's been wrapped around my mind lately -

WAR IS PEACE

FREEDOM IS SLAVERY

IGNORANCE IS STREGNTH

Prom Pictures

2006-04-28T03:38:35Z

Yay! Prom pictures! There's quite a few, so give it a few minutes to load. It's all worth it just for the last picture. Trust me on this one.

Follow the lj-cut and listen to it's advice.

If I look slightly uncomfortable or desperate to get away here it's only because I am...

Allison in the lounge area. Again.

My date...enough said.

"Haaaaay....Macarena!"

Awww...how cute is that?

Probably my favorite prom picture involving myself. Doesn't Hollie look fabalous? (She added the black bow herself ya know!)

Oh, Hannah...what is there to say?

Le Monseuir, Mr. Bivins and Dargan all opt out of dancing. Lazy bums.

So, just so we're clear, that is a magazine they are reading. At prom. Le sigh.

Who's that gorgeous girl?

Miss Dineen, looking fabalous as always.

Mama and her Kitten. Oh wait, wrong type of get together.

My favorite picture. Ever.

So yea, Prom was pretty kick ass. Or at least it looks like it in the pictures, which I guess is all that matters (funny how they have that effect).

Well, I bid you adieu and again, I end with a quote -

"...I am what I want you to want, what I want you to feel but it's like no matter what I do I can't convince you to just believe this is real. So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do, face away and pretend that i'm not, but i'll be here cause you're all that I got...I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident but you don't understand I do what I can, but sometimes I don't make sense. I am what you never wanted to say, but i've never had a doubt. It's like no matter what I do I can't convince you for once just to hear me out. So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do, face away and pretend that i'm not, but i'll be here cause you're all that I got." - Linkin Park, Faint

Prom

2006-04-25T13:21:44Z

Prom was on Saturday. It was fun I guess. I mostly had to babysit a bum date, but whatever. Perkins was fun afterwards. I'm getting my pictures developed after rehearsal today, I think. I'll try to scan some in later.

Shiny new icon and layout....

2006-04-17T05:30:47Z

New layout. Can't decide if it's too much (probably is). New icon too, which I throughly enjoy.

meh...

2006-04-17T02:27:08Z

I've just been feeling so...blah lately. I think it's just been my somewhat unhealthy lifestyle over break. I was definitely ready for the week away from someone so I could clear my head. And not being around them has helped, to an extent. I've had some time to breathe, and think about things. I haven't had to stress about said person everyday, which has been nice. The downside to this is that it means i'm not at school with a regular schedule or really doing anything social. I decided to try and avoid social things this week so as to be able to actually clear my head, but really it's just one more thing that's thrown me out of whack.

Between this lack of a regular schedule (I only need six to seven hours of sleep a night, not ten) and not doing anything social has caused me to eat really unhealthy foods in enormous ammounts this week and just feel...disconnected from everything. Maybe the drama and crap of everyday life that makes you feel so disconnected while in the midsts of it is necessary, even if it does makes you feel like shit. Hmmm.... :/

"No ammount of coffee, no ammount of crime, no ammount of whiskey, no ammount of wine, no, no, no, no, no, nothing else will do, i've gotta have you...i've gotta have you." - The Weepies, Gotta Have You